A Day in the Life of Piccolo
by PWARBA
Summary: Except for one naughty word, it's G. My first G rated fic. *tear* Anyway, I wrote this off the top of my head, so if it makes sense to you, then you are either as crazy as I am or really intelligent. Enjoy the insanity.


Title: A day in the Life of Piccolo  
Rating: G but, I'm sure I can make it an R rated horror fic.  
Piccolo: Erk! Hey! What are you going to do to me now?! No chic fic?   
PWARBA:Picco-baby, just because you don't get to screw anyone (for once) doesn't mean you have to whine about it.  
Piccolo: You are so evil, PWARBA.  
PWARBA: Ohhh just wait'll you READ the fic....Darn I wish you belonged to me.  
Piccolo: But I do. I mean, I can't very well escape, you've got me bound to the floor with these stupid Namek-proof chains.  
PWARBA: *evil grin* Oh I'll let you out for a little while.   
Piccolo: *hopefully* You will?  
PWARBA: Yeah, of course. I need my main character...  
Piccolo: NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!   
  
  
Piccolo opened his eyes and gazed at the serene waterfall before him.   
'Sweet silence,' he thought peacefully. No sooner had he closed his eyes than he heard an enormous BANG!  
"What the he-" he was cut short by the sight of his beloved student, seemingly running for his very life.  
"Piccolo!" Gohan called. "You have to help me!"  
Gohan latched onto Piccolo's billowing cape and cried in fear.  
"Did you forget to do your homework again?" Piccolo raised an eye ridge at the young man, cowwering at his feet.  
"Not only that, but I accidentally smashed the china cupboard." Gohan explained.  
In the distance, Chichi's voice echoed through the valley.  
"GOHAN! GET BACK HERE AND GLUE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THESE PLATES BACK TOGETHER!" she screamed.  
"See?" Gohan tugged harder on Piccolo's cape.  
"I understand, c'mon." Piccolo grabbed his hand breifly, to signal him to follow. They flew as fast as their ki could carry them towards a safe haven.   
"Were are we going?" Gohan asked his mentor.  
"The only place I know that Chichi can't hurt us." Piccolo replied. Gohan nodded, wondering where they were headed.  
"So where is it?" Gohan inquired, "Karin's(that's how it's spelled in the manga so don't contradict me!) Tower? Kami's look-out? Burger King?"  
"None of the above," Piccolo shook his head, "I can't beleive it, the only safe place for Gohan is.....the Author's house."  
  
PWARBA was happily typing up another Piccolo lemon fic, when she heard a bang on her door.  
"If that's Brandon, I'm gonna kill him," PWARBA muttered as she opened her door.   
"I'm busy creating....OH MY GOD!!" she screamed like the rabid fangirl she was.  
"Sorry, but Gohan's in danger," Piccolo apologized. PWARBA stood out from the door to let them in. After the two bishounens had entered her domain, she peeked outside, checking for any sign of Trunks, Dende, Nail, or Cell.   
'Damn,' she thought and shut the door. "So, how can I help you two?"  
"Chichi's after Gohan," Piccolo explained to the captivated author.   
"Gohan, did you forget to do your homework again?" PWARBA put her fists on her hips.  
"I also broke the china cabinet," he confessed.  
"Well, you're safe here," PWARBA smiled sweetly and led them to her room.  
  
Piccolo: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Wait a minute! I know what's in your room! Please don't take us there! It's so....creepy.  
PWARBA: Hey! So what if you don't like seeing your face wallpapered over my entire room! It's not all about you, y'know!  
Piccolo: But if only Trunks and Dende knew....  
Trunks and Dende: Eep.  
PWARBA: Yes, my minions, you will soon have your turn...*evil laugh* Now shut up Picco-baby and enjoy the story.  
Piccolo: *whimpers*  
  
Gohan gazed at the myriad of pictures covering every available space in her room.   
"My kami! The last time I saw this many Nameks I was ON Namek!" Gohan gawked. He stared at all the pictures of Dende, Nail, and of course, Piccolo. He wandered over to a drawer and casually opened it. He glanced inside and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head.   
"So this is what crazy authors like you do in your spare time!" Gohan laughed.  
PWARBA rushed over and slammed the drawer shut, not bothering to warn Gohan's poor fingers.  
"Hey! Leave my love letters out of this!" Piccolo quirked an eye ridge at her.  
  
Piccolo: Sorry to interrupt again, but why are there love letters in your drawer?  
PWARBA: Hey! I gotta do something besides homework and writing fics! So what if I write you and Trunks and Dende and Nail love letters? I'M THE AUTHOR AND I HAVE THE POWER!!!!  
Piccolo: .........  
Trunks and Dende: Eep.  
  
"Ahem," Piccolo coughed, "Why are there love letters in your drawer?"  
"DROP IT!" PWARBA yelled. The twin terrors, known and Teddy and Tobias began barking their heads off.  
"Agh! What's that?" Gohan jumped.  
PWARBA walked off, leaving the two guys in her room. They looked around at the pictures, then at the Dende action figure, then finally their eyes rested on the fully poseable Piccolo action figurine placed lovingly under a mini-gable, surrounded by candles.  
Piccolo's eyes widened in horror. What did this girl DO at night?!? From the kitchen, the author's voice boomed with enough force to shake the house.  
"SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!!" Gohan shrank back in fear.   
'She sounds like my mother,' he thought. he shuddered at the thought. PWARBA walked back into her room with a smile on her face.   
"Now that that's taken care of," she grinned, "What can I possibly do to make you fear me to no end?"  
Piccolo and Gohan shrieked in unison. PWARBA laughed and climbed onto her top bunk, complete with Trunks pillow, Dragonball Z blanket, sheets and even a self-made plushie doll.  
Gohan, ever curious, peeked over the top to take a look see at her sleeping area.  
"Good Kami! Is there anything you DON'T have?" he yelled in surprise.  
"Oh yeah, I don't have the Gohan model, or that one screensaver my computer couldn't download." PWARBA answered, grinning madly.   
Gohan stared blankly at her. "Right."  
Piccolo opened the fateful drawer again and picked up the first page of the hundreds of papers.  
"Hey!" PWARBA screeched indignantly. "Don't read that! Give it here!" She reached as far as she could towards the precious piece of paper, but only managed to flop down onto the bottom bunk, and Gohan.  
"Hmm, let's see here." Piccolo said, amused at her weeping helplessness.   
"I dislike your height right now," PWARBA glared at the object of her affection. She buried her face in her hands, not noticing she was still sprawled over Gohan.  
"Dear Piccolo," he began, "I wanted to tell you again how much I love you."  
PWARBA wailed in embarrassed torment.  
"You're so brave and contientious. I bet you would help..an..old...lady across THE STREET?!? What is this?!?" he yelled in dismay.  
PWARBA ceased her wailing and turned to laughter. "Oh my Kami, you fell for it! I always keep that one on top!" She rolled off and on Gohan as she hugged her sides.  
"What? Why?" Piccolo asked, thoroughly confused.  
"Just for people like who who are too curious and go through my stuff without permission." PWARBA explained. "You'd be surprised how many people it's frightened away from my belongings."  
"Somehow I don't think so," Piccolo muttered.  
"PWARBA! Could you get off me now?" Gohan begged. The insane author was biginning to scare him. PWARBA smiled apologetically and climbed back up to her beloved top bunk.  
"I think Chichi's cooled off enough now," Piccolo said suggestively. Gohan nodded and the obsessive author took the hint.   
"Ok," PWARBA said sadly, "I'll let you leave, and I'll even save you from Chichi."  
Piccolo blinked at her, "You're just letting us go?"  
PWARBA nodded sadly.  
"Gohan, I don't know what's gotten into her, but let's take advantage of it and get out while we still can."  
Gohan nodded his agreement and the two left the room of terror and flew off as soon as they reached the door. In their rush, they didn't see the evil smirk bloom on the twisted author's face. PWARBA looked at her window, her action figures with their hands and faces pressed against the glass, looking for all the world as though they were tryng to escape. She walzted back to her computer typed the last of the sentence. She then saved her work and opened a new word processor window. Not bothering to title it, she began typing.  
  
Piccolo and Gohan landed at the Son house and Chichi rushed out.   
"Gohan! Do have any idea how long it's been? YOu have to go and glue al-" she stopped short and snapped to attention, a blank stare comming over her eyes. Gohan curiously poked her in the forehead and Chichi toppled over. When the usual light returned to her eyes, she shook her head and looked at her son.  
"I'm going to let you off easy this time," she muttered. "Now go inside and eat your dessert."  
Goha stared at her another moment before disappearing into the house to happily do as he was told.   
Piccolo grunted and flew off towards his valley. He landed at the bank of the waterfall and breathed in the calming mist.  
"Hey Piccolo!" an all too familiar voice chimed from behind him. Piccolo whipped around and stared in horror at the person standing there, smiling.  
"Oh no! Not a-" Piccolo couldn't bring himself to say those horrible, frightful words.  
"Mary-Sue? You betcha!" PWARBA winked as Piccolo ran off in terror.  
  
  
Piccolo: Why'd you have to do that to me?!?   
PWARBA: You think I could resist?  
Piccolo: *groans*  
PWARBA: *wink*  
  
Hey! Sorry about this fic. It just popped out of my head as I was going through my old love letters to the bishounen of DBZ. Yes, I am that deep in obsession that I write love letters to the guys of DBZ. Anyways, sorry about it being so short. It may have been a waste of your time, but on the other hand, you MIGHT have actually laughed at least once. If I made you smile, then I've done my job! Any flames will be used to light my Piccolo worship area candles, and I have matches for that so don't even bother. 


End file.
